Boeing Capsule—Alien Jazz Band, Space Kraken, or Just Bad Plumbing?

September 2, 2024 – Low Earth Orbit 

In a press release that sparked both scientific curiosity and internet memes, NASA reported that astronauts aboard the Boeing CST-100 Starliner capsule have been hearing strange noises during their mission to the International Space Station (ISS). The unexplained sounds, described as a mix between “an eerie whistling,” “a distant foghorn,” and “someone trying to play a kazoo with their nose,” have left the crew—and the ground team—scratching their heads.

The Noise from the Void

The strange auditory phenomenon was first noticed shortly after the Starliner docked with the ISS. Veteran astronaut Commander Karen “Kazoo” Thompson, who earned her nickname in a much less mysterious context, was the first to report the noises during a routine systems check.

“I thought I was imagining things at first,” Thompson said in a live interview from orbit. “But then the rest of the crew heard it too. It was like a muffled tune that no one asked for, echoing through the capsule.”

Possible Explanations:

NASA engineers have been working around the clock to identify the source of the sounds, but so far, their hypotheses have only added to the mystery. Here are some of the leading theories:

Alien Jazz Band: A growing online theory, fueled by the sounds’ rhythmic quality, suggests that an extraterrestrial jazz band might have stowed away on the capsule. The hypothesis gained traction after Thompson humorously remarked that the noise resembled “Miles Davis, if Miles Davis were a space ghost with a penchant for free-form kazoo solos.”

Space Kraken: Some less scientifically rigorous sources have proposed that the noises could be the mating call of a “space kraken”—a legendary creature that supposedly lurks in the cosmic void. While NASA has categorically denied the existence of space krakens, they have not entirely ruled out the possibility of space-related biological phenomena, particularly those involving krakens with a taste for experimental jazz.

Bad Plumbing: Engineers at Boeing have pointed out that the Starliner is equipped with various pipes, ducts, and life-support systems that could produce unusual noises, especially in the microgravity environment. However, they admit that this doesn’t fully explain why the noises seem to follow a particular beat. “Space plumbing is tricky, but it’s not known for its musicality,” said lead engineer Max “Pipe Dream” Johnson.

Crew Remains Calm

Despite the mysterious noises, the crew has continued their mission with professionalism and a sense of humor. Astronauts have taken to joking about the situation, with one even suggesting they start a space band named “The Cosmic Kazoos.” However, all agree that finding the source of the noise is crucial—not just for peace of mind, but for ensuring the capsule’s systems are functioning correctly.

“We’re not worried,” Thompson assured viewers during the live broadcast. “But if this turns out to be an alien jazz band, I hope they take requests. I’m partial to ‘Fly Me to the Moon.'”

NASA’s Next Steps

NASA has scheduled a series of diagnostic tests, both remotely and through astronaut-operated instruments, to track down the source of the sounds. If they cannot resolve the issue, they may consider sending a specialized team of acousticians—or a DJ, depending on which theory you believe—on the next resupply mission.

In the meantime, the mystery of the strange noises in the Boeing capsule continues to capture the public’s imagination. Whether the explanation is mundane, mechanical, or out-of-this-world, one thing is certain: space travel just got a little more entertaining.

And until the mystery is solved, the crew of the Starliner will keep their ears—and requests—wide open.

Stay tuned for more updates from NASA